I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
