i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
