My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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