I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
