I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
