do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
