hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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