Tell her she can't have a vagina
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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