what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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