You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
