I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
