How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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