i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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