It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
