He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
