i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
