you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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