My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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