"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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