dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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