There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
