im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
