I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
