Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
