They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
