I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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