If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
