she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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