I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
