people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
