My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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