Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
