He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
