I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
