just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
