This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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