I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
