i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
