it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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