i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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