got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
