hotel room ftw
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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