I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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