The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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