i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
