So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
