you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
