p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Shame - the story of my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
