My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
