Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize