She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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