i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
