i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
