When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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