I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
