I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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