i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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