Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
