The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
