i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
