wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
