so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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