what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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