He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
