We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
