haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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