so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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