Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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