i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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