can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
