I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
