i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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