Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
