i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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