My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
