I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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