he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
